Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
