AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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