Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
