I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
