My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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