he thought i was a dude.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
