Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
