Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
