Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
