So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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