he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
