When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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