dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
