Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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