So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
