I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
