Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
