just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
