Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
