i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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