my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
