cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
