theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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