my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
there was a trapeze. enough said
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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