No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
