Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
