so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
