Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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