Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
