dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
