So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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