he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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