i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
