I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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