remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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