yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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