He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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