All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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