in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
