There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
