life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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