I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
