He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
