there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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