I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm just crazy horny about you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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