How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
