i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Pants are for mortals
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
