So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
