there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
