My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
