So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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